Results Are In!

So according to the neurologist our worries can be curbed a little bit.

The EEG and MRI came back normal with neither seizure nor stroke type activity! 

First, of all let me say, Hal-le-frickin-lu-jah!

I know all parents feel anxious and worried about their kids but 

to me, from my experience, unless there is something wrong with your child

"Don't Stress!"

I know most people are better at this than I am.

I tend to be an over-exaggerator. Or well I think in times like this I 

don't think I could handle the emotional trauma bad news would cause

unless I'd been preparing for it.

Weird, Right?

Well now that those tests are done, on to the next!

We have an appointment on the 10th to see the neurologist again.

This time she will be ordering/ explaining to us the tests for seeing if he has nerve damage.

That was always our best guess to what was going on but after being told it could be all these other things

I couldn't help but automatically predict the worst case scenario.

I know it probably seems really pessimistic but to me it isn't.

Maybe I'm just fooling myself but in my head if I imagine it's the worst case scenario and then mentally picture

dealing with said scenario then when I find out it is the worst case or a better scenario (which most of the time it is) I am either able to deal with it like I expect myself to, or I am completely elated that it isn't as bad as I thought it would be and the obstacles I know have to deal with seem like tiny ant hills instead of mountains. 

I hope all that made sense. Sometimes it's really difficult to explain all the madness in my head.

In other news, It's Jackson's second birthday on Friday. Huh? Yep, that's right ladies he is another year closer to be that eligible bachelor you've been waiting for! Just another 14-19 years to go. 

Also, We have applied for student housing at ASU Polytechnic! I'm so excited to have a playroom for Jax yay! 

Um... I think that's about it. Well even though like nobody reads this it is totally therapeutic for me. I do hope that it is somewhat helpful in making at least one person feel more sane than me. For some reason it is always nice to know there is someone out there who is crazier than you.

 End of Rant! Goodnight! 

Birth Defect, and other worries

My Child has a birth defect.
I know I don't talk about this much
but I am really struggling with this right now.

Jax is missing his pinky and ring finger on his right hand.
He has a dislocated radius also on his right arm.
His whole right arm is also a lot smaller than his left.

On top of all that he also has seizures.
Like a lot of them.
He had an MRI and EEG on Tuesday.
It was very stressful and scary seeing him being put under
and having machines breath for him.

We haven't gotten the results but unfortunately
I am freaking and even though everything could be
ok all I can think about is all the different reasons he
could be having the seizures.

In utero stroke
Epilepsy
Nerve damage
Or unknown.

The really frustrating thing is that the doctor may or may not call.
They won't call if everything is fine but I won't really be at ease until the end of next week.
If they call then things really, really aren't right.
Either way it's a terrible thing to go through.

I hate just using the blog to vent but I just don't know what else to do.
I'd rather not be upset about this anymore.
Here's to hoping that I can just except whatever happens and be ok with it.

Sincerely,
The mom that just can't stop worrying.

What I Want For My Birthday!

All the fun things I want for my birthday! 

Yes, most of these things I will not receive but a girl can dream!

1. This pillow 

2. Someone else to clean my house!

3. To get over my cold!

4. To Pass my last class for my Associate's degree!

5. All the Harry Potter books

6. All the Hunger Games books. 

7. You know what, just give me a fully stocked library please!

8. To go to Jesterz

9. Building supplies so I can make bookshelves.

10. Chalkboard paint for those bookshelves.

11. A day to read, yes, just read!

Well I'm sure I've bored you all to tears but since it's coming in like 2 days I thought I'd share 

all the things I won't get. 

It's fun and cathartic I think to actually write down what you really want. 

I definitely recommend it. 

Ah, to be poetic

So I have always loved poetry I don't know if I told you all this but I want to be a writer and I have just recently finished (and am now re-doing) my first chapter of a book. Woohoo! Go me! Anyways an exercise I try to do as often as possible is write a poem. So now without further ado...

A moment

If a moment could be just that

I'd take it

I'd break it

I'd smash it with a bat.

Like a crystal, slivers shimmering on the floor

Dancing in the light, glimmering with ease

I'd make a day of gathering each piece

I'd take millions of moments, maybe more

Gathered together the moments would seem

Really nothing more

than a nightmare

Or a dream

Placing each broken moment in a drawer

Categorizing the type it may be

A look, a touch, a small fallen tree

So I could look upon them ever more

To take a moment and let it be just that

Glorious, shocking, simple, amazing

I'd take it

I'd break it

I'd smash it with a bat

Chandra Chant

Yeah a little random but I've been thinking a lot about moments lately and how beautiful simple little times in our lives can be. 

Life for the past 2 months.

So the biggest thing that has happened in the past couple months was that I had a miscarriage. I wasn't far along and I really wasn't heartbroken about it or anything I just hadn't felt like talking about it. It happened at the end of September. I was only 6 weeks and I had literally found out the day before the miscarriage. Really only the day of the miscarriage was really hard. Surprisingly it was pretty painful and it took quite a few days to stop hurting. After that it was smooth sailing and it actually really helped me get motivated to get back in shape. So in a lot of ways I am grateful for the experience. Even though Jax's pregnancy was really hard and all the fears about his birth defect after he was born were really difficult I wouldn't trade any of those experiences.

It's a little strange that something like this can completely change your perspective. I have also been struggling with depression since I had an IUD (I can't handle hormones at all). Also really strange but the miscarriage helped me a lot with my perspective concerning the depression. It snapped me right out of it. I just decided that I had, had enough of being down. I also wanted to get pregnant again and knew that it wouldn't be good if I was still feeling as down as I had been.

Sorry this is such a short post, there has been a lot of other stuff going on but I kinda need to go to bed so this will have to be it for now. I just want to say that I know Heavenly Father knows each and every one of us and that sometimes even giving you a trial can help you get past other trials. I am so grateful for the gospel, and my family.

Let me know if any of you have struggled with these things. It feels great to talk especially to people who know what you're going through.

Jax Update!

Ok I know that for most of you the only reason you read my blog is for the awesome updates about Jax so this one is just for you.

Jax weighs 32 pounds!

He is tall but won't sit still long enough for me to measure him,

actually he's sleeping right now so I think I'll go try

probably the only time I'll ever be able to get it

Ok he is 33 inches long!

ha ha why haven't I done that before?

Anyways so I just did the calculator thing and he is the 25-50% for height 

and the 90-95% for weight! That ridiculous!

He has a cold at the moment and is pretty dang miserable!

I hate it when he's sick!

Jax is a crazy talker!

Story time,

So we went to build a bear the other day

we were giving Jax all the bears to see which one he liked the best.

He hugged and smiled at each one but was willing to let them go.

Eventually he said "Uh, uh that one."

And was pointing to a scruffy puppy.

So I took it off the shelf and handed it to him.

He hugged that puppy so tight!

And when I had to put it back he gave me the saddest look in the entire world. 

It broke my heart!

So we made the scruffy puppy and named it "Coco"

Well he loves Coco.

Takes him everywhere. 

Today in the car he asks "Coco?"

I told him coco was at home.

He just looks at me, "where is he?"

So I tell him again "he's at home."

He smiles and says "Oh" but keeps singing "coco, coco, coco" to himself.

It was adorable.

And when we got home and it was bedtime

 I ask if he wants to go see Coco.

He runs to the stairs and to Coco we go. 

Sometimes you buy you kids something and find yourself smiling about that decision in the middle of the night when they are sick and all they want is to cuddle with their Coco.  

New phrases Jax  is saying

Is that a star?

Where is he?

Who is that?

Where did he go?

Go, go!

I do peekaboo!

Blue's clues!

Where's Binky?

Where is Coco?

And of course 

Mama, ma, ma, ma, ma! yelling of course!

He he 

Seriously though everyday the hugs he runs up and gives me

the smiles I get for giving him crayons,

his excitement when we play outside,

and just everything about him makes my heart burst with joy.

Sometimes late at night when I sneak into his room to just stare at him I think of all the reasons why I can't believe I gave birth to him.

1. He is so stinkin smart

2. outgoing (says "hi" to everyone he sees)

3. loving 

4. caring

5. sweet ( I love when he sees I'm sad and gets all concerned and runs over to give me a hug)

6. helpful (he always cleans up his toys)

7. playful

8. So energetic ( I guess I was as a kid too, where did that go?)

there are a million more but that's all I've got right now!

Well that's all for now folks. 

Can't fight this feeling!

So I have been trying to keep busy and unlike other times I'm doing really good at it. So I've been sewing, cooking, cleaning and generally being a super-duper awesome wife and mom. Ba ha ha ok just kidding. I have been a lot better at keeping up on house duties and doing my fun little projects. 


I am trying to sell my bedroom set at the moment though because I want a bigger bed. Ours is a queen and has been fine but with my back killing me and Kyle's neck killing him we just need something that works a little bit better for us. It's gorgeous and very well taken care of so if you're interested.... Ha ha 


Anyways I made some pesto with my sister the other week and I don't know what it is about that stuff but it's absolutely delicious! I crave it on a daily basis now! so if you've never made any let me tell you a little story.
About a year ago or so I was dropping Kyle off at work and we had a little time before he needed to be in so we decided to try a little breakfast place next to his work. I got a bagel. Ok no, I got THE BAGEL OF THE CENTURY. This guy was a culinary genius. He toasted a bagel to perfection and slathered on some cream cheese, then perfectly sliced some tomatoes and topped it all off with some fresh pesto. BEST BREAKFAST OF MY LIFE! And I'm totally not over-exaggerating. You put pesto on anything and it is so easy, good for you, and delicious. 


You are probably wondering why I'm on a pesto kick! Well, in the past  24 hours all I've eaten is some crackers. I have no idea what I am sick with but I have been miserable. All I can think about is food. Even though I can't eat anything. Lame, right? So, don't mind me, I'm just hungry. :)

Beautiful new skirt

P.S. my shoes are awesome too!

It looks a lot better on! Ha ha

 This skirt took forever to make. I just made it a lot more difficult by adding the bunching top. It is so much fun to wear! It swishes and makes me look skinny and I absolutely love it! By the way I got this fabric along with like 15 more bolts with 10 yards each from Craigslist for 40 bucks. I should have taken a picture but I forgot and now it's all put away! OH well. ha ha Seriously awesome deal though! Yeah I pretty much really love craigslist.


I have a lot of fun stuff planned for this weekend so just pray that my whole little family will get better, Jax didn't eat anything today either. My poor guy just wanted to watch blue's clues all day! Ha ha well I love you all thanks for the support! :)