Oh, it is love and life: March 2011

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A CHANT!

I am having an odd day!

I finally changed my last name!

Weird right?

It took two years (and a few months), pregnancy, baby, 2 jobs for me, 6 jobs for kyle, 5 cars, 4 moves, and a whole lot of fights but I finally did it!

I committed to being a Chant.

Now I know a lot of you might not understand why this is such a big deal for me (and really it shouldn't be), but let me give you a little background to explain my insanity.

I second guess myself.

Yes, yes everyone does but I do it a lot!

About what I eat, drink, think, act, listen to, and just about everything in between.

I never say it out loud but I berate myself every chance I get.

I could blame this on a lot of things but to be truly honest I don't think I see my own worth clearly.

I think this is a common enough, I don't see what I mean to people, I don't let others see what they mean to me, I push people away because I cannot see why they would want to be around me.

The perfect example of this is my friends from high school. I had a big group of friends. We hung out every weekend. We had a lot of fun. I loved (love) every single one of them. I worry about them quite often. But they probably never knew that. I didn't think they cared as much about me as I did about them so I slowly started to push them away.

It's sad. I know.

So instead of learning from this sad story I continue to do my little crazy dance with my husband.

I'm just glad he kind of gets me :)

He had been putting up with me (being rather good natured about it actually) giving him excuse after excuse to not go change my name.

Pathetic!

In the back of my mind I am always thinking how hard it would be to change it back if he left me.

Freak I'm ridiculous! I just can't help myself.

I have to put myself in the worst possible scenario in my head and plan for ways to deal with something that will probably (fingers crossed) never happen.

See most people have these thoughts and deal with them or change them or something but not me, I embrace them! I cling to them and imagine them happening just so I can reassure myself that I could deal with it.

Who the freak does that!

Another little insight to my insanity has to do with family.

I've never talked about this because I'm a little scared to share something so personal but I need to talk about this. So I am going to share and I hope none of you will judge because of this story.

I had very little doubts before we got married but things had been a little different after he got home from his mission. It seemed nothing was going quite right.

But we dealt with it and moved on.

We got married and were pretty dang happy!

About a month, maybe two after we got married something happened that sent a shock through our family.

Kyle's brother left his wife.

Everyone was affected and no one was prepared.

Kyle's parents had not been prepared.

Kyle's brothers were not prepared.

My sister-in-laws had not been prepared.

No one was aware of his personal turmoil.

Kyle's family had dealt with tragedy before but this was something that really sent a wave a grief through everyone.

Something else you should know about my family. They talk about nothing.

It's hard to see everyone struggling so much with something and yet talking so very little about it.

But I won't tell their story. It is theirs and it is too personal.

I got pregnant very soon after this.

So my hormones got the best of me.

I started to second guess everything Kyle did and said.

I know it is silly to compare someone you know so well (like your husband) to someone you obviously don't know at all and think they are going to be a lot a like. In my defense, brothers do tend to have a few trademark similarities.

I was so scared.

I shouldn't have been.

It was juvenile and a little sad that I couldn't get a hold of myself enough to get it through my thick skull that Kyle is not his brother and would not do the same thing.

None the less I let it get to me.

So for the past two years I have not been dealing with my fears. But today is a new day. Today is the day I became a CHANT.

I WILL NOT BE SCARED!

I WILL NOT IMAGINE HIM LEAVING ME

(even if I think it's the only sane thing for him to do sometimes).

I AM NOT GOING TO PUSH HIM AWAY ANYMORE!

I WILL EMBRACE ME!

I WILL BE ME!

I WILL LOVE ME!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Shout out to Women! We Rule!

So this semester Kyle has Philosophy 101. He hates it. It is the bane of his existence! He just can't grasp what they're talking about! So I've taken this class and I'm trying to help him out but he's being all difficult about it.

So last night I'm trying to explain to him what they are talking about when it comes to innate knowledge.

And I just keep thinking that he is completely hopeless!

He didn't even get how they were writing!

I sit him down and start to explain.

"Philosopher's are arrogant sons of B!+(&#$"

He just stares at me in confusion so I go on...

"They think they are the first person to ever have any ideas about such things as innate knowledge

(foundation to our learning) from the senses, from ourselves, etc...

They aren't the first to have these thoughts. They are just the first arrogant enough to feel the need to write

them down."

Still staring like I'm talking crazy!

"So when your reading something like this (I point to the chapter he's reading) where they are

essentially talking to themselves about their thoughts you just need to remember that you've

had these thoughts too you just aren't an arrogant son of a B!+(&# so you never felt the need to publish your

thoughts and make yourself out to be a genius."

He finally responds

"What's the point of studying about them if they are pointless?"

"That's philosophy babe! Just a different way of thinking and processing the information you receive."

"Ok so what do I do"

"When you read this stuff just remember that they are all arrogant, pretentious lunatics who want you to think like them."

"Arrogant, pretentious lunatics? Ok!" He replies skeptically "I'll try"

Point of this story either my husband is a true innocent and doesn't realize how much our education is based on guys like these philosopher's or he is just as arrogant and pretentious therefore didn't understand their motives. Ah ha ha

Men...

The Bane of every woman's existence!

P.S. anyone ever notice how there are no notable philosopher women?

Personal theory: We understand naturally the things men have to ponder for centuries to understand!

Ah ha ha

Just a little shout out to all my ladies!

Love, Chandra

Saturday, March 12, 2011

What to do? I need votes!

Just so you are aware I am a wee bit random! Ok, I'm really random! So let's start with what we have been up to lately. Well Last month was Jax's Birthday! We had a really awesome party at Golfland with all our family and friends (for the most part). Jax got so many awesome toys and he had just been loving life lately! He was so darn cute with eating cake (for the first time) and playing with his friends and opening presents. I was really surprised I didn't cry. Ok so maybe I got a little misty on the way but that's what moms do right?

Anyways, update on Jax, we were worried about his weight he had weighed between 17 and 18 pounds since he was 6 months old but at his 1 year check up he was up to 20 pounds and he is currently at 22 pounds and has grown 2 inches. He was really starting to worry us that he would have some growth problems but now it seems that I am the one with the growth problems and he wasn't getting enough nutrition from my milk so I'll have to get that checked out in the future (hopefully not too soon though). So he is growing through the roof and we can barely keep enough food in the house to satisfy this little tornado. He really does seem like a tornado! He climbs on everything and throws everything on the floor! Terrible two's is coming terribly early! But hey he's getting me back in shape so can't complain too much. He really is just the most outgoing and amazing little guy.

Storytime! So the other day we go to Home Depot to look for some wood chips for our little back area since he likes to jump off his new climber and well concrete doesn't provide a very soft landing. Well he refused to stay in the cart or in our arms so he just walked around like he owned the place. Well we walk past an older lady who was obviously deep in thought about the product she may be buying, when Jax walks right up to her looks at her then at the shelf she's looking at, back at her, and then grabs her hand and starts walking away with her. I couldn't hold in the laughter. She was so surprised and she started to laugh too.

She's says "Oh, Hello"

Jax just replies "Hi" and keeps walking.

We had to pry him away but needless to say he made her day, and mine!

Well right now Kyle is just work, work, working and doing his online classes! He's really been pretty boring lately being so busy! Don't tell him I said that! It seems like he's just always going, going, going and if he gets an opportunity to stop, he's asleep. Like right now, he's napping on the couch.

Ok now we get to the hard part. What I'm up to. Well I've really been quite boring lately. I'm trying to change that but I can't seem to pick just one thing to do. So survey time…

What should I do

Finish the short stories I have been working on (this will take at least a month)
Start making the new pillows I've been wanting for my family room (take at least 2 weeks)
Go shopping. . . There are a few things I am in dire need of, jeans, shirts, shorts, etc (Take as long as I want :)
Make the scrapbooks I've been meaning to put together (wedding, baby, our weight loss challenge book, etc)
Start a garden. Just a dinky little thing that will mostly been in planter pots (This will be a 3-4 month thing, if not all year)
Clean my house. Ok I need to do this no matter what but I thought I'd throw it in just for fun!

So there you go! Give me your vote so I can't finally figure out where I should start! I really am desperate for some input. Kyle has no idea how to give me advice when it comes to this stuff (silly men).

We've been praying for all the people in Japan and other areas that were affected who have been hurt by the recent tragedies and if you or someone you know has been affected please know that our hearts and minds are with you and we are truly sorry for your loss. We are all children of God and He is the only one who can really know how we feel. We pray your life will be filled with His light and that you can feel his Love.

Here are some pics of what we've been doing lately! Check out how chubby Jax's cheeks are getting again (they are awesome).